How did this Dynasty all start? Well, according to the STOYAC
Tree (click here to open in separate window) it all started with
Fred Lamkin. Fred allowed his sons Lee and Mike (Lumpy) to go to camp
in the early 80s, which led to Randy Yanoff recommending WEHC to Brett
Wilensky. Once the Wilensky’s starting going to camp, the invasion
of Black Knights (Stoughton’s mascot) began. Some could argue
that giving the Lamkins credit for the Dynasty is like giving the Indians
credit for Discovering America. The Wilensky’s can be seen as
the Columbus of WEHC in that nobody would have ever given a shit without
them. The STOYAC Tree took weeks of research to dig up, but its accuracy
is undeniable.
It is important for the non-Stoughton world to truly know what Stoughton
is all about. The members of Stoughton that have gone to WEHC are from
streets like Kotlik and Poskus. For those who don’t know or have
never been to Stoughton, these streets are the Stoughton equivalent
to Rodeo Drive and Park Avenue. If you don’t believe this, drive
by the Immaculate Conception Church. So, if you think Dave Gorin and
Joey Apotheker were kind of Ghetto, you have no idea where we come from.
True story, one time at Stoughton High School a student came up to Ryan
Wilensky and said, “Wilensky, I know your family is rich, I seen
those Camry’s in your driveway.” So, yes Stoughton is ghetto
and in any ghetto you have loyal people who are protective of their
hood. This is why Stoughton has supported Town Spa over Peebs for years
even though the rationale members of Stoughton would tell you that this
would be as ridiculous as claiming the outdoor court is better than
the Rec Hall. Chinatown in Stoughton is better than South Pacific and
the Kawloon however. If you think otherwise, I’ll see you at the
tracks after school bitch.
“...have
you checked out www.bigdig.com lately? Well, I did, but the site was
under construction...”
What else is Stoughton famous for other than THE DYNASTY? Nothing really. That is why we are so proud of our Dynasty. We still milk the fact that we had a member of a Super Bowl Champion. So, what if Darrin Jordan was a Special Teams player for the 49ers. In our minds he was as important as Jerry Rice on those teams. It is a frustrating place to live. So, when a little kid from Africa was on the cover of the New York Times wearing a STOYAC (STOughton Youth Athletic Commission) T-Shirt you can see why the town rejoiced. We used to boast about how we were the headquarters of Reebok, until they sold us down the river to Canton a couple years ago. Ask Eddie Andelman, who once used a conversation with a “Jay from Stoughton” as his promo in which he asks Jay, “Why can you go like 11 different directions in Stoughton Center?” And you think the Big Dig is frustrating. By the way, have you checked out www.bigdig.com lately? Well, I did, but the site was under construction (I actually made that up). It is obvious that with this much frustration the Stoughton crew needed some place to get away. That place was WEHC and if you don’t believe we were a dominant force, then stop pretending to do work (your boss is gonna fire you anyway) and keep reading.
In no other arena of WEHC did Stoughton dominate
quite like Color War. Stoughton has accounted for 10 High Senior Captains
(Eags, Eric, Ryan, Joey, Tim D, the Dancey 3, the Hahn 2). Of those 10
individuals, 7 won their High Senior Years with only Mike Hahn, Joey Apotheker,
and Eric on the losing end. Stoughton accounted for 6 Head Coaches (Brett,
Eric, Ryan, Steve Dancey, DG, Lumpy) and has a 5-2 record with the 2 losses
by Ryan (Diesel) and Lumpy (Vandals). But, in 1998 Stoughton went against
Stoughton, so someone had to lose. In CW coaching in general Stoughton
has accounted for a 23-17 record on the strength of Brett (4-0), Eric
(3-1) and DG (4-1). Lumpy and Shiffman went a combined 0-5. Maybe that
is why Lumpy went a DECADE between Color Wars (88 to 98). So, you think
23-17 is not that impressive. Well, my crack staff has Concord going 2-10
and Lynnfield going 5-14, so eat it. But, we are not all CW record conscious
as Steve Dancey. Stoughton has contributed in many other ways to WEHC’s
greatest event. There were the memorable skits such as Eric’s brilliant
“Siskel and Ebert” skit on the Regime, DG’s “Pulp
Fiction” skit on the Riot and of course who could forget Brett’s
“Quantum Leap” skit with the Undertakers. Also, the most memorable
CW fights have been perpetrated by Stoughton. Hell, we will even battle
each other as Brett and Eric went to fists in 91 in the Rec Hall. But,
the most memorable was the in 95 when Mendelson and Ryan initiated the
first ever CW mob scene in the Mess Hall. We deal with people named Nessa,
Beverly, Ellen and Hinda; you think we’re afraid of Marblehead and
Natick? Some of the most clutch plays ever have been made by Stoughton.
Bobby Shiffman’s diving catch in Low Junior Softball and Tim DeGrande’s
Grand Slam in the 92 Omelet game sent the Rock’n’Roll back
to Band Camp for good. But, the biggest contribution Stoughton has made
is “Throwing the bat” rule in Softball that was a direct result
of Brett taking an aluminum bat off his head courtesy of Igor.
Stoughton is not limited to Color War. Consider some of these other accomplishments.
Two awards were INVENTED because of Stoughton, the “Spirit of the
House” and the “Bobby Shiffman Award.” Stoughton has
had 2 Lipton award winners (Eags and Lumpy) and got screwed in 91 when
Noah Brown beat out Hartstone. We have had 4 League Commissioners, a reign
on 15-under coaching from 92-99 and Shawdog’s Goalie shirt. We have
brought Berny noises, Geoff stories, Joey’s Sex Ed speeches and
DeGrande Mail Box Baseball. We have brought great nicknames such as Lumpy,
Rat Boy, Cryin, Raky, Fart Bone, Whitey, Shaw Dog, Cohnhead, Beeks, Genghis
and Newcomb Boy. AND NO, the Michelson’s are from Marietta, Georgia,
so don’t even try it assholes.
The funny thing is that with the rare exception of Steve Dancey running
Track, Matt Holt winning the State Championship in Wrestling and Joey
Apoks getting drafted by the Marlins, we are nothing but chumps in lovely
Stoughton. The Great Eric Wilensky was a bench warmer on his varsity team.
If it ever got to Stoughton that Mike D was a West End legend in 15-under,
you would get laughed at all the way to Cobb Corner. He never even made
it past JV Hoops.
You are probably sitting there wondering if a town this great has some
sort of motto or creed. Well, it does. If you drop the S and add a W to
Stoughton what do you get?
A: TOUGH TOWN...TELL
YOUR FRIENDS
